when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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