you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Boobs speak an international language.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
