You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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