Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
