Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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