thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
