Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
