when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
