In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
