I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
