after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
