I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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