omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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