have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize