You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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