I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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