hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Randomize
