You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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