i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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