We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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