i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize