well I can't set my house on fire every night
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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