Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize