I haven't been this sober since birth.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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