My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
