watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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