My nipple is on Facebook.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
