He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
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