Im at strip club and am horny
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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