Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
