What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
