I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
