toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
