Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
