thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
