just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
