I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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