NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
