i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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