After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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