just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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