please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
