Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
