You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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