Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
