he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
