What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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