people are starting to question the shark bite story
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize