When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
