there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
