____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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