He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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