I wish I could punch you in the face.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize