even my farts smell like vagina
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
