he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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