You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
