ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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