he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
