remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
