i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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